chapter13.1

If your temper is aroused and you tell 'em a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings.

But what about the other person?

Will he share your pleasure?

Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you?

"If you come at me with your fists doubled," said Woodrow Wilson,

"I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours;

but if you come to me and say, 'Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,'

we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that all the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many,

and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together."

Nobody appreciated the truth of Woodrow Wilson's statement more than John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Back in 1915,

Rockefeller was the most fiercely despised man in Colorado, one of the bloodiest strikes in the history of American industry had been shocking the state for two terrible years.

Irate, belligerent miners were demanding higher wages from the Colorado Fuel and Iron Company; Rockefeller controlled that company.

Property had been destroyed, troops had been called out.

Blood had been shed.

Strikers had been shot, their bodies riddled with bullets.

At a time like that, with the air seething with hatred, Rockefeller wanted to win the strikers to his way of thinking.

And he did it.

How? Here's the story.

After weeks spent in making friends, Rockefeller addressed the representatives of the strikers.

This speech, in its entirety, is a masterpiece.

It produced astonishing results.

It calmed the tempestuous waves of hate that threatened to engulf Rockefeller.

It won him a host of admirers.

It presented facts in such a friendly manner that the strikers went back to work without saying another word about the increase in wages for which they had fought so violently.

The opening of that remarkable speech follows.

Note how it fairly glows with friendliness.

Rockefeller, remember, was talking to men who, a few days previously, had wanted to hang him by the neck to a sour apple tree; yet he couldn't have been more gracious, more friendly if he had addressed a group of medical missionaries.

His speech was radiant with such phrases as I am proud to be here,

having visited in your homes, met many of your wives and children, we meet here not as strangers, but as friends ... spirit of mutual friendship, our common interests, it is only by your courtesy that I am here.

"This is a red-letter day in my life," Rockefeller began.

"It is the first time I have ever had the good fortune to meet the representatives of the employees of this great company, its officers and superintendents, together, and I can assure you that I am proud to be here, and that I shall remember this gathering as long as I live.

Had this meeting been held two weeks ago, I should have stood here a stranger to most of you, recognizing a few faces.

Having had the opportunity last week of visiting all the camps in the southern coal field and of talking individually with practically all of the representatives, except those who were away;

having visited in your homes, met many of your wives and children, we meet here not as strangers, but as friends, and it is in that spirit of mutual friendship that I am glad to have this opportunity to discuss with you our common interests.

"Since this is a meeting of the officers of the company and the representatives of the employees, it is only by your courtesy that I am here, for I am not so fortunate as to be either one or the other;

and yet I feel that I am intimately associated with you men, for, in a sense, I represent both the stockholders and the directors."

Isn't that a superb example of the fine art of making friends out of enemies?

Suppose Rockefeller had taken a different tack.

Suppose he had argued with those miners and hurled devastating facts in their faces.

Suppose he had told them by his tones and insinuations that they were wrong. Suppose that, by all the rules of logic, he had proved that they were wrong.

What would have happened?

More anger would have been stirred up, more hatred, more revolt.

If a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can't win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom.

Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don't want to change their minds.

They can't be forced or driven to agree with you or me.

But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.

Years ago, when I was a barefoot boy walking through the woods to a country school out in northwest Missouri, I read a fable about the sun and the wind.

They quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said, "I'll prove I am.

See the old man down there with a coat?

I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can."

So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.

Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man.

Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat.

The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.

The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.

F. Gale Connor of Lutherville, Maryland, proved this when he had to take his four-month-old car to the service department of the car dealer for the third time.

He told our class: "It was apparent that talking to, reasoning with or shouting at the service manager was not going to lead to a satisfactory resolution of my problems.

"I walked over to the showroom and asked to see the agency owner, Mr. White.

After a short wait, I was ushered into Mr. White's office.

I introduced myself and explained to him that I had bought my car from his dealership because of the recommendations of friends who had had previous dealings with him.

I was told that his prices were very competitive and his service was outstanding.

He smiled with satisfaction as he listened to me.

I then explained the problem I was having with the service department.

I thought you might want to be aware of any situation that might tarnish your fine reputation,' I added.

He thanked me for calling this to his attention and assured me that my problem would be taken care of.

Not only did he personal get involved, but he also lent me his car to use while mine was being repaired."

Aesop was a Greek slave who lived at the court of Croesus and spun immortal fables six hundred years before Christ.

Yet the truths he taught about human nature are just as true in Boston and Birmingham now as they were twenty-six centuries ago in Athens.

The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.

Remember what Lincoln said: "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall."

Principle 4—Begin in a friendly way.