chapter4.3

I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.

Let me illustrate.

Years ago I conducted a course in fiction writing at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts and Sciences,

and we wanted such distinguished and busy authors as Kathleen Norris, Fannie Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Albert Payson Terhune and Rupert Hughes to come to Brooklyn and give us the benefit of their experiences.

So we wrote them, saying we admired their work and were deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success.

Each of these letters was signed by about a hundred and fifty students.

We said we realized that these authors were busy — too busy to prepare a lecture.

So we enclosed a list of questions for them to answer about themselves and their methods of work.

They liked that.

Who wouldn’t like it? So they left their homes and traveled to Brooklyn to give us a helping hand.

By using the same method, I persuaded Leslie M. Shaw, secretary of the treasury in Theodore Roosevelt’s cabinet;

George W. Wickersham, attorney general in Taft’s cabinet; William Jennings Bryan; Franklin D. Roosevelt and many other prominent men to come to talk to the students of my courses in public speaking.

All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne — all of us like people who admire us.

Take the German Kaiser, for example.

At the close of World War I he was probably the most savagely and universally despised man on this earth.

Even his own nation turned against him when he fled over into Holland to save his neck.

The hatred against him was so intense that millions of people would have loved to tear him limb from limb or burn him at the stake.

In the midst of all this forest fire of fury, one little boy wrote the Kaiser a simple, sincere letter glowing with kindliness and admiration.

This little boy said that no matter what the others thought, he would always love Wilhelm as his Emperor.

The Kaiser was deeply touched by his letter and invited the little boy to come to see him.

The boy came, so did his mother — and the Kaiser married her.

That little boy didn’t need to read a book on how to win friends and influence people.

He knew instinctively.

If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people — things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he was scheduled to tour South America, and before he started out on that tour he spent months studying Spanish so that he could make public talks in the language of the country; and the South Americans loved him for it.

For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends.

How? Although I haven’t the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of one’s birth has anything to do with character and disposition.

I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth.

If he or she said November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself, “November 24, November 24.”

The minute my friend’s back was turned, I wrote down the name and birthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book.

At the beginning of each year, I had these birthday dates scheduled in my calendar pad so that they came to my attention automatically.

When the natal day arrived, there was my letter or telegram.

What a hit it made! I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered.

If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.

When someone calls you on the telephone use the same psychology.

Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call.

Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.

The caller feels the company is concerned about them.

Let’s remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow.

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company.

In an issue of the publication of the National Bank of North America of New York, the following letter from Madeline Rosedale, a depositor, was published:“I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff.

Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful.

What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly.

“Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months.

Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller.

She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress.”

Is there any doubt that Mrs. Rosedale will continue to use this bank?

Charles R. Walters, of one of the large banks in New York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation.

He knew of only one person who possessed the facts he needed so urgently.

As Mr. Walters was ushered into the president’s office, a young woman stuck her head through a door and told the president that she didn’t have any stamps for him that day.

“I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son,” the president explained to Mr. Walters. Mr. Walters stated his mission and began asking questions.

The president was vague, general, nebulous.

He didn’t want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuade him to talk.

The interview was brief and barren.